Ashes Of Yesteryear

February 26, 2006
I want to observe these symbolic practices because I need help. I am so fallen and so far from God and the queen of All Things Hypocritical. I want to repent. I want to contemplate my humanity and be humbled – humiliated even! I think so often of how righteous I am, how good my theology is, how wise I am – I am a fool! I am filthy, my theology is nothing, and I don’t love. Yet I am forgiven. I am loved by God. I am counted righteous by Jesus blood. What a reason to celebrate!

February 19, 2007
Looking at my daughter, it's hard to see anything beyond a perfect, innocent being. But the truth is, she isn't perfect and innocent. Though she's done no right or wrong of own, she is still born into sin and with a sinful nature. She is the daughter of Eve. It's hard to look at such a beautiful person and acknowledge that she is impure and deserves no good but by the grace of God. It seems morbid and nasty to imagine that cross of ashes placed on her forehead as well, but the truth still remains: she, like all of us, is dust and to dust will return.

February 24, 2009
Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. The last year or two I felt too busy to think much on Lent. That hasn't changed this year except I feel a real burden to do so. To repent of my busyness and lack of time spent with the Lord. I don't know how I'll do it. I don't know how a mother stays on top of everything earthly and material as well as things eternal. Is it just a matter of being near God, in His presence, or is there more? Should I wake up even earlier to pray and read Scripture? And if so, how do I do that without waking up the baby and then spending that time feeding her back to sleep?

March 8, 2011
May this season of Lent be not one of mere dieting and exercising self-control, nor one of empty religiosity, but one of heart-felt contrition and repentance. God, please mould me into your image. I don't know if I even resemble you at all anymore.

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February 17, 2015
Out of the ashes rises the phoenix. This year, as we enter the season of Lent, I enter it with a light heart, with freedom from guilt (masquerading as conviction) and self-degradation. I enter it like a soft spring breeze pirouetting through the trees and over the tall grass, bending the dandelions with fingertips, splashing in the giggling streams, joyful to have this gift of life returned to me while I'm still so young, young enough to enjoy the splendor of nature, the wonder of the cosmos, and the sweetness of my family and friends. Life is good. My soul is still.