Suffocating

This video breaks my heart. Plus the boy in the video is heartbreakingly beautiful.



Oh how vividly I recall those emotions from those god-awful days. That paralyzing emptiness after a painful breakup. The way your body feels so numb you can barely breathe or walk or draw your legs over the side of the bed in the morning. All the memories that torture you, all the dreams that snicker at you. The future you saw for you and him shattered, leaving a hollow nothingness in front of you. The sobs that erupt from your core without the least warning at the wrong times. The eyes so puffy and sore from tears and insomnia that your entire world is enveloped in a blurry fog the next day. The playing the scene over and over, the weeks before over and over, the entire relationship over and over, wondering what you did wrong, how it must be your fault, how you must be incapable of being loved, how naive you were. How after all this you would take him back in a second if he just came to your door in the dead of night and begged for you to. Thinking it must be a mistake, this can't be happening, not again, not to me.

I say I'm thankful those days are over for me, but who really knows? Worst case scenarios happen. Listening to another song in the car the other day, I became overwhelmed with fear and panic imagining how I'd survive if I lost Scott. What if years down the road, our relationship were to break down so irreparably that he were to leave me, or I him? I don't see that happening now, but the very thought of what life would be like if it did brought me right back to those painful moments in my past where my life abruptly stopped, and I suffocated. Tears stung my eyes as the song played, and all I wanted to do was take my man in my arms and make him crush me with his promises to love me forever and never leave me.