Catch-Up Time

A Post For Relatives and Friends Residing Not Here

So I do not have anything wise, witty or wonderful to report, but I figured since a lot is going on, I'd better fill in those of you who do not see me but still give a rat's behind what I do.

And because I love bullet points, I present you with a bulleted list. Ka-POW!

* I have been very busy these past weeks with shows. Yes, shows, plural. My Sundays and Thursdays have been dedicated to rehearsals for Footloose, which opens in two weeks today! (Aughhh!) Mondays are now rehearsals for the Christmas pantomime (that link is for you Americans who are like, "What? Mime? Lori loves mime! Didn’t she win 2nd place at State for mime? Oh, not that kind of pantomime... Sigh.") (And I love how seamlessly I boasted my past high school victories as if they still matter to anyone ten years later. Ka-POW!) And then I'm also trying to prepare for auditions for Steel Magnolias which will be in less than four weeks. I am most nervous about that, because I want a part so bad I can taste it! (Slight quoting of Steel Magnolias going on there. Anyone know which part I'm referring to?) So busy, busy, busy with my new theatre life. Long live the stage and all that.

* As if one overly time-consuming new interest weren't enough, I've also decided that I love tennis. (Do I have an awesome husband or what? While I’m out gallivanting, he’s stuck in with the kids. But hey, as long as he is happy with his World of Warcraft and Eve Online, I think I’m in the clear for gallivanting.) I mentioned this previously, I know, but it's imperative that I let you know that I have become a genuine tennis fanatic. I have become a paid member at the tennis club down the street, and since then, have visited the courts nearly every day. I've not yet gotten to go with anyone my own age with whom I can actually play a game, so I've just been practising my serve over and over while the kids play with the leaves and the sticks. They do a bit of tennis playing themselves - well, Fifi does, Lolly just chews on her racquet - but they get bored easily so we only go for about half an hour to an hour each day. My serve is getting marginally better, meaning that about 1% of the time I serve it into the correct service box, so even going with the kids is proving to be useful. I do have weekly matches arranged now with my friend Becky, so soon, once that gets going, I’ll have some time to really get playing.

And I also now own three racquets. I might start braiding my hair like Venus Williams.

* Hair. Yes, on the subject of hair, I hate my hair. I knew when I cut it lesbian short that I would have to go through this awful growing-it-out period, but I kinda saw that as something in the distant future that wasn't worth worrying about at the time. Well, the distant future is now the present so blah, I've got icky hair. My last hair cut was abysmal, and I've held out as long as possible, but I can no longer stand the look of myself when I pass by windows and mirrors. So tomorrow, it's getting chopped. Still keeping the length at the top but getting all the underneath stuff shortened into something like this. I wish my dear best Amanda were here to do it for me. She’s a new stylist now, you see. I’m very proud of her.

* And now, to bring it full circle, a bit prematurely perhaps, I'm worried cutting my hair will decrease my chances of getting the part I want in Steel Magnolias. However, my hair looking like it does now will do me no favours either, so I guess it's every man for himself. (Another half SM quote that really didn’t make any sense right there.)

* I say that bringing it full circle there is a bit premature, because I'm not done! In other catch-up news, I've got a new job! I will be working 8 hours a week at Blockbuster. Ka-POW! I will make money and save money at the same time; make money by having a new job and save it by not having to rent DVDs anymore. Free DVD rentals every week, hurray! I'll be working evening and weekend shifts, so that I'll still get to spend the day with my lovely munchkins and still run my TinyTalk classes.

* Speaking of TinyTalk, this wasn't one of my original bullet points, but I'll throw it in. TinyTalk is going much better for me nowadays. I'd hate to get too optimistic in case it all goes to pot next term, but the Summer term and now the Autumn term classes have been nearly full. My Greenock Autumn class is nearly full and my Kilmacolm one is getting more interest and more people signing up every day. So I'm feeling pretty chuffed about that! Profit from that might be enough to feed my new tennis habit! Oh and of course benefit the rest of the family in some way... I might pay a phone bill with it or buy Scott a tennis membership, heh.

* All right, a couple more things, and that is all. I am still on a diet, though not a strict one, and feeling very positive about it. Because I'm not trying to crash diet or go overboard with a strict diet, I feel this is going to be very sustainable. It might take a bit longer to see results, but I'm convinced that the way I'm doing it is the right way and the pounds will actually stay off, because I'm trying to change my entire concept of eating and snacking into something that is much healthier and much more satisfying, rather than something that will just make me quickly lose weight. I am already seeing a difference. Saying no to cakes and sweets is actually easier than I thought, because I've realised the satisfaction I get from self-control is actually much better than the momentary pleasure of giving in. And when I do give in, it never feels worth it after the cake is gone. I've also realised that if I don't eat a good, nutritious breakfast, I am starving by mid-morning, whereas when I eat something healthy and filling for breakfast, I'm not even tempted to snack until lunch time. Who knew?

* And last, I'm getting very excited about my Dad's visit in a week. Oh my goodness, I can't believe it's only a week away. I really need to get my car hoovered out. Don't want him to know what kind of squalor we usually live in. Anyway, I am really looking forward to having him here. I’m just sorry I’ll be so busy with the play that week. That was something that didn’t occur to me when I convinced him to come in time to see the show. I just hope we can make good use of our time together before the show week and the daytimes of the show week.

Then a month after that, my mom comes to visit, and a few days after that is our trip to the Glenmorangie House in Tain! Heck, then a month and a half after that is Lolly and Scott's birthdays and then Christmas! What the...! Already planning both kids’ birthday parties, because I’m a supermom like that. Haha.

And there you have it. A run-down of what's been going on around here. And now, just lovely. Our internet connection is down. I guess this shall be posted at a later point in time. Scott and his WoW guild are not amused as this is a raid night. He’s a night elf druid (feral at the moment!) and was meant to be killing Halion tonight. Isn’t he sexy?

Pregnancy Loss Week 2010

I'm wiping huge tears off my cheeks as I post this.





This week is Pregnancy Loss Week. I have never lost a pregnancy, thank God, but people very close to me have, and one very close person in particular. I don't think I quite understood just how deep the pain runs, but reading some of these blogs have opened my eyes to the pain one feels after losing a baby.

I have nothing more I can say on the subject, and I wouldn't even want to try. I just want to draw a bit more awareness to the subject, especially for those of us who have known someone who lost a pregnancy but haven't known how to respond or what to feel, so we can all start to understand one another better in the love of mutual motherhood.

DECISIONS!

Funniest thing this morning.

I was still in bed (out late last night at midnight swim in outdoor pool then Spinnaker after!), but Fifi was up having breakfast. She came and asked me if she could have a plum, and I said yes, but she'd need to get it herself (I'm such a good mother) so she went and got her wee stool and took it to the fridge to get her plum. I started to go back to sleep, when I heard a thump, a scream and Fifi cry out in utter desperation,

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOO!"

Scott, just out of the shower, ran through to see what happened, and I jumped out of bed. Fifi was standing on her stool, plum in one hand, and clutching herself with the other.

"I NEED TO GO PEEPEE BUT I NEED TO EAT MY PLUUUUUM?!"

Scott and I burst out laughing. "Give me your plum and you go peepee first," he told her. She seemed genuinely relieved that there was now a plan of action for her to follow as she raced for the toilet, her plum safely waiting for her in her daddy's hands.

The difficult decisions children must make!

New Blog Title

On a perfect lazy day
We lie on our backs and stare at the sky
And I make you bet on which cloud
You think'll reach the horizon first.

I know you know I'm just playing for time
'Cos I like the way you pay attention.
And even when your eyes get kinda scary,
I'm pretty sure I think they're pretty still.

If you don't cut your hair
I promise not to grow mine.
I'll be a gentleman
You'll take it as a good sign.
I'll generally annoy the hell out of you.

If I slur my words
It's because
I'm not sure
If I can say this.

I love you.

If you don't cut your hair
I promise not to grow mine.
I'll be your gentleman
You'll take it as a good sign.
I'll generally annoy the hell out of you.

Doo doo do doo, doo doo do doo, doo do doo.

-my song by Scott McFarlane

Diet Day Four

So, I've made it through day 4 of my diet, and I'm feeling pretty darn proud of myself. I went to Mother & Toddlers today, and there were TONS of yum-yums and cookies, and I didn't have even one! Just a cup of tea!

I've been eating my one bowl of muesli for breakfast (today I had a banana too), and my soup for dinner. Tonight's soup was kinda bland and boring, but I still ate it. It was full of veggies, just not full of flavour. I had a sandwich for lunch (bread is no good, but in moderation...) and all I had for a snack through the day was a couple of strawberries!

Want to know how I'm getting through my day without eating junk?

There is some cake left over from my TinyTalk party in a cake tin, and each time I pass by it, I think, "If I'm good ALL DAY, I can treat myself with ONE SMALL SLICE tonight." And so I just finished my one small slice of reward, and you know what?

I wasn't that bothered!

So maybe tomorrow I'll look at the cake and think, "Eh, just bin the rest."

Maybe.

Anyway, as for the exercise part, last night I went to play rounders in the park with some friends, but since only one other person showed up, we went to play tennis instead. I have decided tennis is my new favourite sport. I have a lot of sports that I enjoy, but I'm not good at playing any of them. I'm not GREAT at tennis either, but it was actually a sport I didn't totally suck at! Making me feel very motivated to try again and get better. I'm like that - if I can't take to something right away, I can't be bothered learning it. Like guitar. I took one lesson, knew it wasn't gonna come easy for me and quit.

But not tennis.

So I'm gonna look into playing more often. Maybe even look into a membership at a club. Maybe even look into lessons for Fifi (so I have an excuse to play more).

Only thing is, the other problem with me is I often fall for things hard, and then my excitement for it blows over, and I give up. So before I get TOO wrapped up in it, I need to play a bit more to make sure it's gonna stick. Scott enjoys tennis too, so he's up for playing with me. If we can get some kind of routine down (and a babysitter to match - Hi Granny and Grampa!!), I think that would make it stick better.

So to bring this all together, if I keep up my diet (and I think I might just go ahead and bin that cake, it wasn't all that worth it) and I keep up a bit of sporty exercise, I MIGHT just lose that wee bit of weight I'm hoping to lose. I'd love to feel fit and healthy again and look kinda good in the process.

So here we go Day Five!

New Healthy Kick....

I've been feeling rather obsessed about my weight lately. Not that I'm overweight, (and my friend Kieran didn't REALLY say we were fat), but I would rather like to feel a bit slimmer and more toned. I started trying to motivate myself by sticking skinny pictures of me on the kitchen cabinets to deter me from eating snacky junk, but all it did was depress me.

Then we went to a pole dancing class, and the photos from the event made me realise two things...



One, I need a tan.

Two, I need to lose the thunder thighs.

Perhaps THAT picture on my cabinets would do the trick.

So I made a plan. Not too regimented, as that would never work, but I took my motivated self to the grocery store and filled my trolley with carrots, peppers, broccoli, parsnips, tomatoes, asparagus, baby corn and various fruit. I also added organic, free range chicken and eggs, smoked mackerel and muesli. Yeah, muesli.

And a pair of welly boots for Lolly, but that was separate.

I plan to make soups this week with loads of veggies for dinner (and grilled chicken for Scott to add to the side). Lunches will be fairly normal things we usually eat, but I'll replace some of the less healthy meats with the mackerel, and our snacks will be smoothies and steamed veggies. Fifi even said she would eat the baby corn. We'll see.

So here's the thing. I hoped it would come out cheaper, even going for the organic, free range chicken products. But it didn't. Damn it.

I used to feel very strongly about the ethics of the foods we eat, but when you are on a tight budget, that kinda thing goes out the door. But after reading an article recently about all the antibiotics, water, and junk they pump into the chickens to make them sellable, I had a change of heart. I would buy the good stuff not because it's 'the good stuff' but because it's the normal stuff, not the sub-par stuff. And I would hope God would somehow reward me for my ethical behaviour by not making it that much more expensive.

Anyway, we'll see how long it lasts. I had a bowl of muesli for breakfast, and I even measured out an exact portion with my kitchen scales. (THAT won't last.) And it was a reasonable sized portion, much to my surprise. And because I bought one with loads of fruit in it, it was palatable. Unfortunately, that means loads of sugar (and not the good kind - dried fruit is packed with perserving sugars), but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day. I need to ease into the taste of 'healthy' stuff.

So, we'll see how it goes. I will also make more effort to get out and exercise more than just twice a week at Footloose rehearsals. I live in town, I could always take up running and thrive on the car horns and pervy whistles I might get to motivate me further.

And I've started using fake tanner.

Comments

Just discovered during the process of redesigning that my comments have all been wiped. My echo account was apparently only a three month trial (I had to switch because haloscan went bust) and after the free trial, I was meant to subscribe. I didn't subscribe (and don't plan to), so all my comments are gone.

Feeling a little sad about that.

The New Stylez

Hey, unless you read this blog in Braille, you can see I've updated its look.

I've also added an 'About Me' page at the top and updated the 100 Things I Said About Myself, as the previous 100 Things were not all necessarily still true (though I did come full circle with one which stated 'I am currently growing my hair out.' That was five+ years ago but true once again.). Many I left as is, but a few I altered.

Now, if you'll refer, class, to Article 4, you will see that I claimed to still know all the words to the Nutcase Kids Club Poem. I wanted to create a link to that poem for posterity, and this, dear children, is it.

Ahem.

The Official Nutcase Kids Club Poem.

All rise and place your right hand over your heart as we all recite together:

"Nutcases are we
As you can plainly see
With lots of giggling
About freshwater tea.
We laugh the most about
The silliest things
Like a caterpillar
With a hole in his jeans.
Green foxes, furry sharks
A six foot bug
And a banana that barks
So now comes a time the nutcases require
That this poem do retire."

At ease. You may now do silly little girl things like giggle at absolutely nothing at all, and shout things from the bathroom stall like, "Nobody here but us chickens!", which I distinctly remember one of us saying during one of the meetings, and of course, giggling uncontrollably.

Screw You, Ren, I'm Eating a Chocolate Bar and Getting Fatter As I Write This

When Scott and I got engaged, and we decided to live in Scotland rather than the US, we made one promise (well, we made a lot of promises, but for the purpose of this post, we made one) - that I would get back to Arkansas for my 10 year high school reunion.

We were young and in love.

Little did we realise we would have two children by that time and be living on one income. (Because, you see, we were young and in love and had agreed we'd have children after being married five years, because five years sounded like the right number, and there, of course, was no deviating from the future plans of your hero and heroine, thus making me adorably pregnant with my first and wearing European black and speaking with a Scottish lilt for my reunion.)

But alas, here we are, the year 2010, ten years after graduating from high school, and circumstances being as they are, I did not make it to my 10 year high school reunion.

Many people would breathe a deep sigh of relief at the thought of never seeing their old schoolmates ever again. Many people did not love high school as much as we did. If I may speak for my wonderful group of Forensics and Debate nerds, we all loved high school. We all loved each other. While we drifted apart the years that followed, I believe each of us still held a very special place for one another in our hearts. We had so many wonderful times together. We grew into ourselves together. We knew the best and worst in each other. Maybe time has tinted my memories rose-coloured, but I truly believe those four years together were some of the best years of our lives.

In a way, we were all young and in love.

But as all those wonderful people met together last weekend, no doubt quoting memorable lines from the many plays and performances we took part in, the many showtunes and pop songs we sang loudly and obnoxiously to, and the many still-funny inside jokes that wouldn't make any other normal person laugh 'til their sides ached, I was here.

And I felt rather lonely.

But I was not alone.

I have made new friends. No friends will be like the friends I used to have. Adult life doesn't cultivate the kind of friends you spend all night, all weekend, all your life with, experimenting with who you are and who you'd like to become. But I have made friends nonetheless. Friends who know the now-me, the mother-me, the wife-me, the grown-into-who-I-am-me. And I'm okay with that. The night of my reunion, I had three lovely women over, and we had a lovely time, and they are truly wonderful friends, who love Jesus and help me grow into a better Christian woman. And I have my 'mummy' friends, who challenge me to be a better mother and who accept me just as I am, that I can trust to show my truest self to and not be judged. And of course, I have my husband, who knew me when I was still practically a child and who loves all the parts of me, the funny, the hippie, the bitchy and the beautiful, and I have my children who are still young enough to think I can do no wrong.

But one hole remains - a tiny hole, and somewhat insignificant hole, but a hole nonetheless - the hole that my friends filled ten years ago. For with whom now can I share the interests my friends and I shared back then? Who out of all my friends now would quite happily spend a car ride singing along to RENT or practice a dance in the middle of the street or walk into a petrol station and pretend to be Audrey and Orin Scrivello, DDS, having an argument over Vitalis? Even Scott would rather drive nails into his arms than listen to showtunes in the car with me or help me read lines.

(Here's your mention, guys.)

Last night, I went down to the park to play rounders (baseball) with a few of the folks who are in Footloose. After rounders, those of us who remained went to the pub for a drink. We had a good laugh. I promised I'd write about our conversation on my blog, but really, the conversation was stupid and not worth writing about. (So Kieran thinks we're fat. Screw him.) But they are getting this mention (Kieran and Fifi) because they and others like them (Julie) remind me so much of those I grew up with. They're actors. They love musicals and the theatre. They have songs that have won Tony awards on their iPods.

We have sung RENT songs in the car together.

We have danced on the streets (no, literally. The looks Fifi and I got...)

We have not quite gotten to the Audrey and Orin stage yet, but I think I'd be okay if I never in life ever did that again. (It wouldn't be the same without PDub anyway.)

I'm not saying they are the new Zacs, Patricks, Amandas and Devons, but they make me smile.

So, yes, I missed my high school reunion. Yes, I cried when I saw the pictures afterwards, to see how grown up they've all become and yet how exactly the same they all still are. But life has gone on for all of us, and I know really we are all in the same boat, living our own current lives so vastly different and far from the lives we shared as kids. We all have our new friends, our adult friends, who know the adult-us, the parent-us, the who-we-are-now-us, and actually that's just life and it's just the way it is. No one can go back really. A reunion doesn't change the fact that being 28 is a hell of a lot different from being 18. But is one better than the other? I'd venture to say... my life now is immeasurably more satisfying, wholesome and fulfilling than it was even capable of being then.

And I love everyone who is a part of it.