I know, I know, it's been ages since I've written. I know you all have been anxiously been checking my blog once or twice daily to see how everything went. Well here's a brief recap.

Scott actually made his connecting flight in Chicago but I didn't know for sure so Amanda and I waited at the airport only half expecting to see him. Actually, not expecting to see him. I was freaking out. But he arrived and I was so excited and we hugged and made the cute older Oklahoman lady cry. She was touched.

Everything's been fun so far. Scott is so nice to me. He's so good with all my friends and my parents and my brother and he's making this a really good trip. I dreamed last night that he left and when I woke up this morning I was relieved he was still here. I got up and went to the living room to wake him up and tell him so. And he wasn't even annoyed. (It was a little early.)

I know this is short and I could tell all sorts of stories but we're on our way to Graceland in a few hours so I have to go pretty up my hair and pack my bag. More on this story at eleven.

Well I had a merry Christmas. Got lots of kitchenware. In fact, I don't think I got much of anything else... A shirt, a blanket, and kitchenware.

Lots of it.

I hope my dear readers also had good Christmasses/Hanukkahs/etc. May you all get more kitchenware.

Love,
Lori

PS. My darling will be here in approximately 48 hours.

But then again, he's so wonderful.

Having a boyfriend in another country is risky business.

I'm scared out of my wits today.

Choices, Choices

It's a winter break Saturday and I have so much I want to do. I want to clean the house. I want to write poetry. But most of all, I want to read books.

But there are so many books I want to read. So far this morning I have started three different books and couldn't settle with a one because I wanted to read so many more. I'm torn between meaningless fiction and quirky poetry and classic short stories and theological treatises and Christian Living... I want to read James Tate's Shroud of the Gnome and James Joyce's Dubliners and Voltaire's Candide and Nathaniel Hawthorne's short stories and C.S. Lewis's Four Loves... I don't have enough time to read all the books I want to read before school picks back up, and I'm forced to read Hamlet for the millionth time and Beowulf again...

I can't wait to graduate and start reading all the books I've collected over the past four years that I've been unable to read.

Today at work is party day, like in elementary school when it was the last day of school before Christmas and all the mothers brought in snacks and you had a party day and you cleaned out your desk and didn't have to do any work, you just got to bounce in your seat til it was lunchtime and after lunch time you ate lots of snacks like cupcakes and candy and juice and cookies. Today at work is like grown-up version of that with all kinds of grownup snacks like cheese spread and cheesecake and a vegetable tray and crackers and truffles. Yummmm... Yeah for Christmas food!

Dean's List

I made all A's!!!!!!!!

I have a 4.0 for the semester!!!!

Jesus is so incredible!!!!!

I get a letter from the Dean and from the Chancellor to put on the fridge!!!!!!

I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!


[Edit]- Just for the record, my three Shakespeare test grades are as follows:
Test 1: A- - -
Test 2: B (+)
Test 3: A-/B+
A professor who gives grades that descriptively is a professor I'd take again.

I found this article from a friend's blog. I think this is right on. Calvinist ideas are tough to accept and even tougher to convince others of. Since I'm so inadequate in my understanding, I'm always pleased to find someone who knows what he/she is talking about.

All right, last time I kicked ass with an awesome 3.9 on this picture:


I'm setting my sights a little higher. Let's see if this hot photo is hot or not. (May take a day to load. Come back again and revote for me if it's not up. And then come back again and keep voting over and over.)

Twice this past week God has blessed me out of a grumpy state.

Last Friday a group from my office went to the nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the people living there and to deliver presents. I woke up from a nap grumpy and needing to leave. I had my Shakespeare test the next day, and I needed to study but I'd already committed to this. I was grumpy with my roommates about it and not looking forward to it all. I went with a bad attitude, but God blessed me anyway. Seeing the look on those people's faces when we sang and their eyes lighting up when they got presents filled me with joy. One lady in particular captured my heart. She is a very alert old lady who's family lives in New York. She doesn't get many visitors or Christmas presents. We asked if she'd like us to help her open her presents. She said no, she just wanted to look at them for a while. My heart broke for her as well as welled up with love. I left feeling so happy that I'd gone and feeling such joy for lighting up a few lonely lives.

The next morning I had to wake up at 5:30 for my final. (See a few posts down for picture.) I was so grumpy and mad that the snow hadn't canceled school and that I had to go take this test I was not ready for. I found it appalling that I had to be out and about at such an early hour. But again, God blessed me. Driving through the snow at the break of dawn was the most beautiful thing I'd experienced in a long time. The sky was the lightest gray as the sun slowly came over the horizon. Everything was white. It felt holy. I listen to hymns a lot in my car and one particular hymn was playing as I drove to school. Morning has broken like the first morning. Blackbird has spoken like the first bird. Praise for the singing, praise for the morning, praise for them springing fresh from the Word... I felt so at peace with the Lord and so blessed for all the beauty of the world he made for us, thankful for snow, thankful for Him, thankful for this early morning drive through creation. Praise with elation, praise every morning God's recreation of a new day.

Benj wrote about Christmas Anticipation Boy. [<--scroll down a few posts to read.]

I'm going to write about Day-After-Christmas Hate Girl.

Scott was supposed to arrive to me on December 26th. You can imagine the anticipation we were feeling. Counting down the days from 102. Each day the number got smaller. Once December came, I thought I couldn't stand it any longer. I thought my heart was going to burst. This morning I woke up, and like so many mornings I immediately thought "Eleven more days!" The excitement was too much, just like it is every morning when the number is smaller. I got ready for work and checked my email. There was one message waiting for me. I opened my hotmail and the email was from Scott-- the subject was "bad news." In this email he told me that his airlines had changed his flight so much that he was now leaving a whole day later. He now won't be here until December 27th. I burst into tears. "God that's so not fair!" I was already frustrated anyway because my new haircut is too hard to fix and now my eleven days just GREW for the first time ever.

I complained about it to God all morning. "God this sucks! I'm so disappointed. I know you probably have a reason, but I don't know what it is." Then I felt God say, as he does so often, "Walk by faith not by sight." So I guess he wasn't gonna let me know why he changed the dates on me. I grumpily agreed to accept that as an answer but it still didn't seem fair. I found myself cursing the airlines in my mind all morning. I decided Christmas sucked.

Oh yeah. Christmas.

It then dawned on me that Christmas this year hasn't even been on my mind. I haven't thought about Christmas, I've just thought about Scott. All my attention was focused on the day Scott would arrive. Christmas was just an event to make that day come sooner. I realized that regardless of all the "May God bless you as we celebrate Jesus' birth"s I scrawled on Christmas cards, I have not once this year stopped to consider Jesus' birth myself. I wasn't celebrating Jesus' birth at all, I was celebrating Scott's arrival.

I realized this and understood that this flight delay is ultimately good. It still hurts, it certainly made me miss him all the more, but sometimes it takes crappy circumstances to remind us of what is important. Scott's not the most important thing in my life. Jesus is. Scott doesn't even come close. When God made Adam, God was all Adam needed. God was Adam's Lover and Beloved. Yet God humbled himself and made Adam an earthly Eve, knowing that throughout the duration of time man would consistently replace God with her. I never want to replace my real Lover and Beloved with a human replica. We are so blessed to have a God who made us to need him alone to be sufficient. And we are blessed all the more that he allowed human helpers to be our companions here on earth.

So the moral of the story is, my Real Boyfriend has a birthday coming up, and I nearly forgot it. I'm going to celebrate His birthday, and when Scott gets here, we will continue to celebrate our true Love together. Because he's got a Real Girlfriend, too, who isn't me.


*Example of God's humility toward Adam and Eve was not my own realization. From Wild At Heart by John Eldredge.

Just for the record, please note that I have been up since 5:30 on this Saturday morning. The snow
wasn't enough to cancel school. In one hour I have to go take a Shakespeare test. I must say
I'm hardly ready.

I think I might even be up before my boyfriend who lives six hours in the future. What a horrible thought.

Wish me luck.
*falls asleep on keyboardddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd ddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

Final Exam No. 3: Communications:

Aced.

Articles like this totally make me want to join in on the fun. I'm going to go out and buy some of these next time I get the cash. Who wants to play with me?

Rumor has it that inclement weather is expected starting this evening at 5:00. We have been notified that there is a good chance final exam schedule will be halted tomorrow and resumed on Sunday. This means unbelievably good news for me. I have my Shakespeare final tomorrow and if the University closes tomorrow for snow, I will get a whole day more to study for it! If the snow happens to be so bad that the University closes on Sunday (which is unlikely) these tests will be moved to next Thursday. Granted that kind of sucks but wow-- imagine a whole week more for studying! I could watch ALL the movies: Hamlet, King Lear and I think there is a Winter's Tale out there. (As I've mentioned before, I don't want to see The Tempest for artistic reasons.) Yay for snow!


Final Exam No. 2- History of Literature:

DONE.

audio post powered by audblog


Scott was supposed to shower me with compliments and affection but he must've forgotten that part. Oh well, he's a good boy for doing that for me. He likes me. *smile. He's the sweetest person in the world. Big hug in 15 days!

Final Exam No. 1- Folk/Popular Music Traditions:

Shited.

It's still finals week. I have my first final today, one I haven't even begun studying for. It's in two hours.

Why haven't I studied for it?

Because I have this other final which has taken up ALL my study time. It is that History of Literature take home. Oh, Suzanne MacRae, don't consider that we are also needing to study for CANDIDO's Shakespeare test or our other UPPER LEVEL English courses. Please just allow us to dedicate ALL our time to your stupid survey class, a LOWER LEVEL introductory course to 17th century literature.

I'll just continue to devote all my attention to you.

ROARRR!!

The closer it gets to Scott being here, the worse the anticipation hurts. It hurts to countdown the days now. It's 17 days 'til he gets here; that seems too far. I can hardly read his emails because it hurts too much. I miss him so much.

Last night Melana chose Jason over Adam. I know I said I liked Jason a few posts down but after last week I realized that Adam was the one for her. Adam is perfect. Jason is pretty much boring. He's really sweet, but he's nothing compared to Adam. Last night Adam proved himself to be every girl's dream- and Melana chose Jason instead. Amanda, Ingrid, and I cried. Bradley didn't cry but he knew she chose the wrong dude. After she did that I realized that she was not perfect for him. Adam deserves so much better than Melana. Adam deserves the world. How many honest, funny, attractive, (rich), selfless, humble, confident, not arrogant guys have come into your lives lately? Melana. Bad call. Adam. You're awesome.

If it weren't for History of Lit my life would be so much more calm right now. I could study for Shakespeare and make an A. I could get on the Dean's List (4.0 List). If it weren't for this damn class...

I got a paycheck today that was pretty nice. Good thing, too, because it's my last full paycheck until January. Thus I get to pay rent AND all my bills out of this one check. I now have $30 left over. Glad I've done my Christmas shopping.

Is the violence rate higher or lower or the same in the UK as it is in the US? Do kids stab each other on busses in Britain like they do in America?

Update:
-finished Tripping Daisy paper, turned it in, wish I'd put more songs on the tape, done.
-received take-home final for History of Lit, it looks like poop.
-work is stressful this week, unexpectedly.

The Post:
If As You Like It is my favorite Shakespeare play, The Tempest is coming in second. I haven't actually read it yet, but I will this weekend, and from what we've discussed in class about it, I think it's simply wonderful. I hope I never see a production of it because the pictures in my head of Ferdinand and Miranda, and of Prospero and Ariel and especially Caliban are beautiful. Ferdinand is this cute 15 or 16 year old boy with reddish-blonde curly hair and a smooth complexion. Miranda is tall and has rosy cheeks. I think her hair is brown, dark brown, but she's very pretty. Prospero is tall with gray hair and wears a black garment. Ariel looks like a tall man with lots of flowy clothes. And Caliban, oh pathetic Caliban, is a hunched over half-naked black man who runs around with his arms swinging but makes frustrated and sad faces and has a very brooding attitude. If I were a good painter, I'd paint what I see in Caliban. He is a terrifying character, but so ... pitiful as well. How can you help but feel sorry for Caliban? I want to live on the island of the Tempest. With Rosalind and Orlando and Celia from As You Like It as well of course. I think they'd like the island. Though Celia would miss court too much. Rosalind and Miranda would make great friends, I bet. So would Orlando and Ferdinand. Maybe Celia should stay where she is with Oliver and have babies and stuff.

The only problem is if I lived with those people, I don't know if they'd like me so much. I'd be too in love with their boys. Add Billy Budd and you've got all my literature crushes right there together in one place.

The end.

Yay for Benj for putting my "xanga" (it's not a real xanga) on his xanga links. (Xanga makes you be a xanga in order to have your link on a xanga, or in order to leave comments on someone else's. It's totally stupid.) Benj, how would you like to be on my blogger? :) Yay for Benj.

I feel like the ultimate grogster today. Tuesday at work was a breeze. I had so little to do. I have to finish my research paper tonight so I thought I'd bring my disk and my articles to work with me so I could work during my downtime. Downtime, ha! I haven't had any downtime today! I've been working non-stop all day. Ask anyone I usually chat with during the day, like Kate, and they'll tell you- I haven't even had chat time today!


Anyway so I feel pretty worn out, and my typing fingers are sore. So are my shoulders because my desk is a little too high for my chair. *Adjusts seat height. *Seat lowers. *Seat won't raise now. *Jackie and Lori wrestle with chair to make it rise. *It rises enough. *Out of breath.

When I get home, I'm going to fix myself a nice plate of cold pizza, and dang it, if only I had some colas left I'd make a nice whiskey and coke for my nice hot bubble bath I'm going to prepare myself. Then I will put on pajamas and get to work on my paper. I will finish my paper and go to bed. I will wake up on Friday and live a Friday.

The love of my life will finally be here in 22 days. Tick tock tick tock....

How does one cite a band's liner notes MLA style?

Oh did I mention how bad it SUCKS to have convictions about bootlegging software? :) I'm considering a large purchase...


[EDIT]- I made my large purchase. I'm the owner of some kick-ass software.

Men are April when they woo, December when they wed

(Assuming I quoted Shakespeare correctly:) That's my quote for December. Because it's December. December is a lovely month. It's cold in December-- that's a Paper Hearts quote. It also has a pretty name. December. Christmas is in December. December makes me think of light blue. I'd like to have a light blue wedding in December. This December also means Scott, who will be here in three weeks.

April on the other hand is my birthday month. The birthstone for April is a diamond. I always thought that was so boring when I was little- who wants a clear birthstone when you could have garnet or saphire or emerald. Now I'm happy I have diamond. It's simple. Simple and beautiful and pure. April is also Spring. April showers bring May flowers.

Whatever. That's not the point of this post.

The point is I have 3 more days of classes before finals. I have a paper, a painting, and four tests. My paper, which I am writing about Tripping Daisy, is due Friday now instead of Wednesday. Praise God because I've barely started. I'm going to finish the bulk of it tonight. The painting I've chosen is a Kazimir Malevich painting; we're doing a study. My tests that will be easy are Communications and Folk/Pop Music. My tests that will be hard are History of Lit and Shakespeare.

But come Saturday of next week I'll be done. After Shakespeare at 7:30 in the morning. I think I'll have Thai food that day.

This post was for the most part a consolation to myself that everything is drawing to a close on the Fall 2003 semester. Not so much about you knowing what's up but me laying it all down. It's my blog and I'll say what I please. *humph*

Things I have a crush on:

1. Audioblogger
2. Macromedia Studio MX2004
3. the Hewlett-Packard PhotoSmart Photo Printer
4. Jason from the Average Joe
5. My boyfriend. No links available.

This weekend was Thanksgiving break.
I got no rest, I stressed about school the whole time, and nothing went right.
I cried a lot.
The end.

It just wouldn't be a family get together without countless admonitions to lose weight, take out my nose ring, go back to my natural hair color, and vote Republican. I love Thanksgiving.

Superprops to Chris Bray for getting my new website up and running. Once I've bought a couple HTML for Dummies books and some cool software like PhotoShop or Dreamweaver, I'll start doing some rad stuff with my new website. Go check it out. www.superlori.com.

Dang it, I'm on my parents computer and they don't have javascript and I don't have time to download it. I can't work the links. Scotty, if you get time today, will you enable my links? Chris Bray's site is zenandjuice.com. Gotta give credit where credit is due. *wink.

I ask Scott because for him, today is not a holiday. For US (pun on us and U.S....) it's Thanksgiving!!! Scoredy-score-score! My family is being ridiculous though, Aunt Donna doesn't want to start lunch until 3:00. Are you kidding me?? We usually have to wait 'til 2 as it is! There's no way we're gonna be able to wait 'til 3 to eat! She's crazy. I want some turkey.

My family makes great food. For Christmas every year we have Christmas Eve Breakfast-for-Dinner, and we eat chocolate gravy and biscuits. I was sad that Scott was going to have to miss out on this delicious cuisine, but he's in luck! Mom said she'll make it TWICE! Once for Christmas Eve, and then one day when Scott and I are down here!

I met my new step-grandma. She's so cool. She's real spunky (a word only used to describe older people), and girly, and she fawns all over my grandpa. They're like two teenagers. Gross me out. Haha. They PDA- it's so weird. I think it's great though. Why should people be expected to stop adoring each other just because they're senior citizens? They're newlyweds. Let them act like newlyweds.

So far it's been good to be back home. Aside from Mom waking me up at 7 this morning. Other than that, it's been great.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

- there we go, all the links are nice and linked. Scott

Christmas Shopping

Oh, kind visiters, do not move swiftly on to the next recently published blog. This is no rant on the consumerism of Christmas. Quite frankly, it doesn't bother me.

No, instead, this is much less interesting.

I finished my Christmas shopping last night. Well, incidently. Incidently is probably not the word I really mean to use but I'm using it. I still have a few friends that I should probably buy gifts for. But Kim said she wants something I've made, so score! that'll be easy, and Ingrid- well, Ingrid doesn't like anything we get her (*wink) so I still have to think hard on that. But as far as family and boyfriend and best friend go, I am fini!

A lot of people in my circle of being have this huge anti-Christmas shopping attitude. I suppose I can understand, the whole missing the meaning of Christmas thing- but in having an anti-Christmas shopping attitude, we miss another meaning of Christmas. Christmas is ultimately about giving. It is celebrated because God gave his Son to us on earth so we might have eternal life. That's the best present anyone could ever dream of. So we have this tradition of giving gifts to others.

Now the truth of the matter is, it doesn't matter what is given. It's the thought that counts. There is a huge problem of the giving side of things being replaced with the getting. "It's the thought that counts" doesn't apply anymore. However, this shouldn't mean that giving presents at Christmas is a bad thing.

I love to give things. I love to spend my hard-earned money to get something for someone else. I like to buy someone's meal if I have the money to do it. I like to see something in a store that someone I know would like and pick it up for them. So Christmas is a lot of fun for me. I love finding that perfect gift. I love coming home with tons of shopping bags and look through everything and know that very little of it is for me. Then I love to spend the afternoon wrapping everything. I love watching someone open the gift I got them and see them get super excited if I did good.

Many people in my circle think that the best gift is something that you made. One year, a friend of mine bought nothing and made everything- a song for his mom, a mix tape for his brother, etc. I think that's great. But let's not judge everyone for not making their gifts because frankly, not everyone is creative like that. And in my case, not everyone's family would like that. My family is great, but truthfully, if I painted a picture for my mom, she'd like it and then put it in the closet. Or if I wrote a poem, they wouldn't get it. They just aren't artistically appreciative people. It's no fault of theirs. It's just how they are. My mom would prefer a DVD over a painting any day. For me to give her something I made would be me trying to make her into something she simply isn't, which is precisely what I hate for people to do to me.

So I guess this did turn into a rant. A rant for the other team. Sorry if I misled you. I misled myself.

Greetings, gentle bloggers and blogreaders:

On this 25th of November (Isn't this someone's birthday? Robin? Jon March from my Pakistan team? Andrew? If it's Andrew, I'm a horrible person for not remembering...) Sorry. As I was about to say....

Forget what I was about to say, who's birthday is it today??? I think it's Andrew. Aha! It is! Andrew, happy birthday! I'm so glad I remembered. And I'm so glad you don't have a permanent place of residence and/or email so I'm off the hook for not remembering. Taylor, tell Andrew happy birthday and to be a good 22 year old.

OK. So now I can say what I was gonna say.

I don't remember now.

Oh well. It's almost Thanksgiving Day, folks. I love Thanksgiving. I love the food, I love getting together with my loud and crazy family, I love hearing my Aunt Phyllis scream about everything, I love my Uncle Jon poking everyone in the ribs when they least expect it, I love getting out of school for a few days just a week before finals. So in honor of Thanksgiving, I shall make a short, not all inclusive list of the things I am very thankful for.

1. Jesus Christ's death and resurrection.
2. God's "sovereign pleasure" in keeping me alive and keeping me for one of his own.
3. A family who loves me and supports me and is funny about it. (A family who stopped paying for my college because of my nosering- I'm thankful for you.)
4. A good job and a wonderful boss. Jamie (along with Wade Ogle) is the best boss I've ever had.
5. Scott because he likes me no matter what I do or say. He really likes ME. He's very special to me.
6. Andrew because he's taught me so much about myself and the world. He's very special to me.
7. Amanda because she's been there for me for as long as we've been "real" friends, and I love her very much. But if she was a boy I wouldn't marry her, because she's not my type.
8. My apartment, my car, and all my other provisions.
9. Music, art, literature.
10. All of my friends, which I won't list because I'll hurt feelings if I forget one. All of my friends mean something very special to me. But I will say especially Ingrid, Taylor, Joshua, Kristen, and Devon.

Thanks, Jesus, for everything and everyone you've given me.

Happy Thanksgiving, all, even you from other countries- you can be thankful on this day, too. (It's always the 4th Thursday of November.)

I don't know what the deal with my photo album is, I'll find out why those pictures are down.

Meanwhile, I finished my self-portrait tonight.


I think it looks like me.

I got to thinking today. I think the strangest couple would have to be between a lesbian and a transvestite. Because the lesbian could fall for the girlness of the male transvestite because she looks like a girl but to be with the transvestite, she'd really be being with a man and if she's a lesbian she wouldn't want to be with a man. And the transvestite could like the lesbian but it would have to be a situation like he was a man who believed he was meant to be a girl and to be a lesbian girl. Which in that case he might as well be a straight man. But it's all possible. So it's strange.


Next topic.
I had the most awesome priviledge of hanging out with Taylor this weekend.

He came down from Waco for the Aqueduct show and afterwards he and his brother Andrew stayed at my house. We were up all hours of the night talking about the olden days when me and T would talk about girls, and T would rub my shoulders (the Rudds have amazing massage capabilities), and all other sorts of lovely reminiscing. Also stay tuned for Andrew's new blog which he will begin in the weeks to come.


Neeext topic.
I need to find something cool to do for New Year's. Scott will be here, and his people apparently really party it up on New Year's. I've been lame for the past -- my whole life at New Year's so I gotta find something cool to do to impress him. Although he'll argue "You don't need to impress me" or something equally boyfriendy, it's still true.


Last topic.
So I've decided I like Justin Timberlake. So what. He was funny on Saturday Night Live. That's the only reason.

Easy like Sunday morning...

Ok so it's Saturday. Close enough.

Oh, what a lovely this weekend 's been already!
I got to bed early last night and awoke late today.
Last night, Amanda and I went to Dixie Cafe
and Emily and Bradley came o'er later.
I dyed my hair Medium Golden Brown and 't looks nice.
This morning before e'er getting out o' bed
I finished the reading of King Lear.
Now, 't being 11:45 am I am eating a bowl of Chex
and blogging.

Tonight is the Aqueduct show at JRs.
I've no cause to leave the house 'til then.

Weblog Fire Escape

If you kindly look to your left you will see a little green escape icon. Folks, this is for all you at work right now. When you see this little icon, you can be sure that you won't get fired for doing unworkrelated work. If you would like to use this to the fullest, click here to set your own mock work page. Anytime you're reading a blog that has this handy little icon, and you hear your boss walking down the hall, click on the icon and you will immediately look like an intent employee.

Always well meaning,
Lori.

I'm working on an Alter Ego blogger- I don't understand why they keep changing the format. I want to cry. Alter Ego coming soon.

I haven't done these in a while because I've decided they're stupid. But being an English major, I love anything that asks me for adjectives, nouns, pronouns, subjunctive clauses, whatever (I used to adore Mad Libs) so here I go:

1. Using one adjective, describe your current living space.
amiable

2. Using two adjectives, describe your current employer.
cheap, devious

3. Using three adjectives, describe your favorite hobby/pasttime.
oneiric, mindless, insouciant

4. Using four adjectives, describe your typical day.
long, uncomfortable, jam-packed, lugubrious

5. Using five adjectives, describe your ideal life.
alpenglow, honey'd, felicitous, godly, meaningful


And one adjective to describe the adjectives I just chose.
Pretentious

I love painting.

*Edited- Pictures available. See below.*

This is a record for me- three posts in one day. I'm so cool.
*Scott- don't bother reading this- I just copied my email to you and posted it. No point in writing it all again.

Just Say NO to the U of A Debate Fee!
Lunch today was a great exciting drama. If I hadn't alreay posted so much today I'd blog about it. There are these 15 guys on campus that no one likes but who believe they are God's gift to the University of Arkansas. These guys all happen to be on the Debate team. I hate-- I dislike them all. There's this one, I've known of him since my freshman year and I've never liked him. He is Pretentious, he is the very vessel pretention sails on, and he is everywhere kissing so much ass you'd think he was engaged to one. He entered the Arabic Speech Contest the year I did. Our speeches were meant to be 3-5 mins long- His lasted a horrific 25. His Arabic was attrocious, no one had any clue what he was talking about. A girl from Syria spent the whole time frowning at him and looking at her watch and getting thoroughly pissed off with this guy terrorizing her language. She said it resembled something like a cross between Persian and Turkish. He has a big butt. He's on Student Council. He carries a laptop. He thinks he's Bill Clinton.

The Debate Team has started a petition to include the Debate Fee in our tuition. It will cost us each some small price of like $3- though today I heard $23- and its to give them money to compete nationally. Fair enough. But I've been against it, passively, just because I see no reason to give the Debate Team money when there are a gazillion other organizations who don't have money, like Inspirational Singers, for instance, the University's black gospel choir. We had to pay $50 a semester to travel in Inspire. It sucked, but we did it. I feel that if every debater can afford an SUV, they too can afford a $50 travel fee.

Today they were giving out free hot dogs outside the union. Nice enough. Or so it appeared. They approached everyone in the line and asked them to vote for the Debate fee on their wireless internet laptops. (And they can't afford to travel.) The catch- You couldn't vote no on this computer. You could only vote yes. Then I saw a bunch of people arrive with signs. There was a protest. A Debate Fee protest. This was getting good! Apparently their protest had been broken up when the Debate team called the cops on them. The signs showed that the Cultural fund, which is the fund that supports all the arts and music on campus, has a budget of $95,000 a year. The Debate Team is asking the Cultural fund for-- $95,000. PLUS the tuition fee, I'm assuming. These dismissed protesters now stood by the line yelling to hungry college students things like "Do you want to pay $23 for a free hot dog??!" "Is that hot dog worth $95,000??!" It was genius. In the excitement, I began to yell "Protest! Protest!" A Debater pulled out his cell phone and called the police again. A policeman arrived and the Big Butt Debater Who Can't Speak Arabic approached him, shook his hand and said "I don't believe I've met you. My name is...." whatever his name is, I could care less. I told some guy the debaters were shameless. The word shameless caught on and it could be heard repeated throughout. The debaters offered the policeman a hot dog. Kim and I both felt "in our natures" the desire to start karate chopping people or steal the laptops and run away. Excitement was in the air! I got out my digital camera and started taking pictures of the event. I got the police officer and the Big Butt Guy. I got the crowd. I got the protesters. I saw Big Butt presenting his case to some helpless students who just wanted a hot dog. I approached the group and started shooting. Another debater gave me a fierce look and said, "O-kaaaaaaayyy." I smiled and said, "What? I think you're ridiculous." and he retorted, "O-kaaaaaaayyyy."

All in all it was an eventful hour. I had ice cream. I came back to work and voted against the Debate fee.

Click here to view pictures.

Click here to vote against the U of A Debate fee.

Go visit Amanda's site for her opinion on the Debate Fee.

The US PATRIOT Act

For the first time since I've been old enough to know what the government was, I felt scared today.

Thanks to the US PATRIOT Act, the government is now free to tap into any of my online conversations, search my home without a warrant (without even telling me), put me in jail without an attorney or telling me why, and many many more scary things that violate our very Bill of Rights. The freedom of speech, freedom from unlawful search and seizure, privacy, etc are all in question now in the name of safety. The PATRIOT Act is supposed to be safety against terrorism but the FBI now uses every opportunity they can to find common criminals.

So why am I scared? Because I talk a lot about communism and do a lot of Google searches on the subject, out of pure curiousity and therefore could quite likely be of interest to the FBI. And I made a comment over IM today that was thoughtless and private, but if taken into the wrong hands could eventually cause trouble for someone. If some 22 yr old girl on a cruise ship got put in jail for two years for "Threatening the safety of a mass transportation vehicle" or some crap because she swore to her parents that she would NOT stay on this ship because she wanted to see her boyfriend in California, the same could happen to any of us.

As Ben Franklin once said, "They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security." I second that.

Interesting Factoids About the Current Life of Lori

a. I finally have a topic for my Folk Music Paper! I'm going to be interviewing two local musicians about their music and their musical history.

b. I shall complete my History of Literature paper tonight- three days before it's even due!

c. Thanksgiving is next week, and I shall meet my new step-grandmother.

d. I am working up the courage to buy a prostitute to interview for my Senior Honors Thesis- Hey, it's not illegal to talk to someone.

e. Aqueduct is playing at JR's this Saturday.

f. I'll see Taylor at Aqueduct at JR's this Saturday.

g. My ex-boyfriend but current friend Andrew has moved to Seattle. (Sort of.)

h. School is approximately over. Two papers, one quiz, a painting, and three finals to go.

Thank you, Jesus. You've been nice to me this semester. Firm, but nice.

Look what I discovered tonight!



I figured out how to a) take pictures in sepia (as well as black/white, high contrast, low contrast, etc) and b) how to set my camera on a timer. Yay! Taking pictures of myself has gone to a whole new level.

Quickly, the weather update: It is simply delicious with the torrential rain and rattling thunder.

Quickly, the Lori update: I'm going to bed. Look at my photo album, I'm having fun with it.

Night.

An amendment made out of pride and I'm ok with that:
The mention of Comm 1313 makes me sound like a freshman. I'm a senior. Just letting you know.

Blog Your Mom

That title doesn't really make any sense. But the article in The Onion does raise some serious issues. Be careful not to let your mom discover your blog, kids. I myself have no cause for worry. Not that my blog is spic-n-span, but my mom doesn't give a crap about my blog. I've even SENT her the website but she's never looked at it. I tell her "You always complain that I don't call enough and keep you up to speed on my life so you can read my blog and know what's up." But she still hasn't looked me up. But if your mom is normal and not going through her midlife crisis and actually gets giddy at the idea of reading her child's onlline diary, just beware, ok?

On an entirely different subject, I've been working all day on my paper on Jonathan Edwards and his sermon "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God." I've probably done more thorough work on this paper than ever before. Likely because my own personal interests are involved here. This year has been a year of extreme theological myth breaking and truth seeking. I've since come to accept nearly all the tenants of Calvin's TULIP which puts me in the category as "crazy fundamentalist zealot" but that's all right. I've committed to taking all those doctrines taught me my whole life back to Scripture and finding out the truth. The truth sometimes doesn't manifest itself as pretty like a butterfly. Sometimes to our minds it looks downright cockroachish. But I've definitely come to see so much Biblical evidence in controversial topics such as election, damnation, and atonement than I'd be wrong to reject them. If this is what I see in Scripture, who am I to turn my affections away from it? Anyway, that was a rant. The point was I've been spending all day working on this paper, and I haven't even started the writing of it. I've done thorough research such as reading several of Edwards' other sermons so as to not view "Sinners..." out of context, I've read his personal narrative, and I've spent a great deal of time in Romans reading about election. I've got a detailed outline set out so now the only step left is writing. I'll do that on Tuesday. I'm so good, my paper's not due 'til Friday.

Then I have one more (huge, important) paper left and then finals. That's it folks! This semester is wearing down! It's coming to a close!

Aarrrgghhh, I just remembered I have stupid Comm 1313 homework to do. Forget what I just said. This semester isn't wearing down. It's wearing me out.

I suppose I'm off to do my communications busy work. Wish me luck. Bye.

Boring Work Babble:
Not Worth Chatting About Around the Water Cooler


CAUTION: BORING POST AHEAD BORING POST AHEAD BORING POST AHEAD

This is the third CSC Meeting I've experienced since my involvement with Development. They get increasingly more wonderful each year. My first CSC Weekend was a nightmare- stayed after work late, came in between classes, made copies till the printer started smoking, hole punched a gazillion sheets of paper, etc. I was Sandy's "assistant" between Jeanette and Jackie. I hated the world.

The second one I had stopped working directly under Sandy and was assisting Jackie. Jackie had a further reaching vision in mind and we had a lot of stuff done early- ordering 300 U of A pens, binderclips and color coordinated folders. But a few weeks before the actual meeting (or the actual stress) I got a new position as the report writer for Jamie. I was therefore able to bypass the Week of Hell. I brought donuts that morning for everyone else who actually had to worry.

This weekend, it's like there's nothing going on. I'm upstairs, I don't hear anyone talk about it, I know nothing, I do nothing, the CSC meeting affects me nearly none. Aside from getting people some reports they need for the meeting, which is what I do anyway. It's been lovely. What? Stress downstairs? What? I don't know what you're talking about. The University House sure is decorated nice. What for, I wonder?

My life's not so bad, in retrospect.

This is a nice quiz.



Your soul is bound to the Yellow Rose: The
Gentle.

"I've travelled through the land of
surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart
out and keep my head up, and now I travel
through the land of peace."

The Yellow Rose is associated with friendship,
intuition, and fun. It is governed by the
goddess Hestia and its sign is The Intertwined
Rings, or True Friendship.

As a Yellow Rose, you always look out for your
friends. You would much rather have strong
ties with friends than a single tie with a
lover and your devotion to your friends is
clear. You may have great intuition and be
able to read emotions clearly, but sometimes
you can seem distant yourself.


What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Believe in Miracles!

I got a B(+) on my Shakespeare test. Went down from my A- - - from last time, but I'm happy about it.

As I'd Like It

I'd like to believe I'm like Rosalind in Shakespeare's As You Like It. I'd like to believe I can be conservative when others are liberal and liberal when others are conservative, staying true to myself all the way. I'd like to think that when I'm with the Jacqueses of the world, I can boldly speak up for beauty, love, happiness, and positivity, but while with the Orlandos, I am sensible, concrete, blunt, and stoic. Rosalind is the perfect character- she knows when love poetry is bad and is still able to be flattered. She can at one moment say "Men are April when they woo, December when they wed. Maids are May when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives.", then hide in the bushes, faint with love, to observe the man she loves.

I hope I am like Rosalind. I hope I can be a Calvinist Democrat or a charismatic Methodist. I don't want to miss one side of truth because it doesn't match another. I want to know that love is frail and stronger than steel. Controversy and paradox are in everything, and I see no reason to pick a side. If I feel both, I am both. I can have a nose ring and work in an office. I can have a tattoo and go to church. If I needed to hide in the forest, I think I'd dress as Ganymede to experience life. That's what I want to do- experience life. In its truest sense. I want to live like Rosalind. I'd like to believe I've already started to.

First let me say, I am really surprised by the current status of my poll question. Maybe it's just my readership, but I never expected to have such an overwhelming count of No responses.

I have a poem today for girl named Katie. You don't know her. (You might though.)

There was a wee lass in a castle
She was never allowed out to play
She longed to dance in the forest
She sighed for this night and day.

Her father was an evil duke,
Her brothers full of spite.
They never let her leave her room
Though she begged them day and night.

One day while gazing over
Her balcony so high
She spotted a handsome warrior
As radiant as the sky.

He was head to toe in armor
His horse was flashing white.
She turned away and closed her eyes
She couldn't bear the sight.

She found herself in tears
Longing for true love
She retreated to her chambers
As the warrior searched above.

He'd heard the cries of loneliness
He wondered how it could be
He knew in his heart he loved her
He determined she should be free.

With his hands he worked all day
To build a latter tall
He finished just at sundown
And leaned the latter to the wall.

He climbed the latter stealthily
And quietly he climbed
Until he reached the balcony
Where this lass he'd find.

She was praying on her knees
To be rescued some day soon
The warrior kneeled beside her
In case the girl should swoon.

She did not swoon at all
For she knew her day had come
The warrior rescued her from her jail
And promised her a home.

He married her that evening
And wisked her far away
From the evil duke and brothers,
To a forest where she could play.

Things I Am Really Afraid Of:
1. Spiders
2. Spiders in my shoes
3. Spiders in my bed
4. Kidnappers
5. Elevators in my dreams
6. Going insane
7. Going insane and acting out on repressed anger
8. Walking around with my skirt hiked up in the back


And #8 is precisely what happened today.

Thank you.

Productivity
It's been a highly productive day. I have not only gotten a lot of work related work done, I have also improved my blog and my photo gallery. I'm very happy today is Thursday. This means I get paid tomorrow. (Actually, I get paid Monday, but it'll be direct deposited, so I can write checks all weekend!) This also means that Scott is now only 50 days away from me.

Now I'm sure you are dying to know how the Belle & Sebastian show went. In one word- there is no one word. It was incredible, it was happy, it was fun, it was captivating. Stuart is single-handedly the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I think we made eye contact at one point. I had a great time. The opening band was Rasputina, and they were phenomenal. Two goth girls in corsets and petticoats playing cellos and singing. It was brilliant. I admit I have been one to mock Rasputina, but I did so in ignorance. If I'd had any idea how amazing they were, I would've been to the last two Fayetteville shows of theirs. Now they'll probably be like the Faint, and now that I've discovered them, they'll tour with No Doubt and never play Fayetteville again.

Oh, and did I mention Jake's car got broken into and our bags stolen? And did I mention I had three University issued keys and its a $50 fine for each lost key? And did I mention how bad that freaking sucks??

I'm going to add a "feature"- It's my webpicks for the month. I'll start out by plugging for my webpicks here by saying "Here is my first Monthly webpick: Disposable Art Crimez." Enjoy.

I'm trying to think of a new poll question. If anyone has a good one, let me know.

Tonight, or shall I say today, I leave for Lawrence, Kansas to see Belle & Sebastian. I'm pretty excited. I've got my little backpack with me at work today with my change of clothes, toothbrush, and ticket. I almost forgot my ticket. There are a million reasons I know there is a God but yesterday's reason was that He reminded me to print off my ticket. It's been saved on my computer for two months, and after booking, I never thought of the ticket again. At 1:00 I shall meet Jake, Robin and some guy called Eddie in the Student Union for the roadtrip of the year. It's gonna be awkward, as I only know Jake and Robin, and really, I don't know them, we're just acquainted. Oh well! Pretty Scottish music tonight!

Stu is hot, that's a fact.

I'm wearing funny shoes, that's a fact.

It's supposed to be cold in Lawrence so I'm bringing my Rangers scarf to support the 'Gers and the Scots traveling in my country.

And that's that.

Working on putting up a photo gallery.

Hello, one and all.

This is Scott. Blogging for Lori. She's much too busy to do such a thing.

I also think this might be a test, to see how reliable and un-silly I am. ;).

Well, what has Lori been up to recently? She had a great Halloween party, I'm informed. She went as little Bo Peep, or Mary of having a little lamb fame. I can't remember which. Possibly both.

On Saturday, Lori intended to do some SERIOUS studying. But she watched movies instead.

On Sunday, my girlfriend was very good. She went to church, and enjoyed the meeting greatly. The sermon was about talking all nice and whatnot. Upon coming home, she called me/I called her (I can't remember which). Then she did commence her studies. Then a break. Then a study group.

A studious girl, is my girlfriend.

Which brings us to today. She took her Shakespeare test. She is trepidacious about the whole venture.

Now she's at work.


This is really weird. I feel like a news reporter or something. Which brings me to another point: the news sounds crazy when it's delivered by an American. Can you guys really take it seriously? It sounds like action heroes reading the news. I yearn for the days when the news was read by plummy, Middle England accented gentleman. Lovely.

I wonder how many people will be confused about me posting this. Is it weird? Comment.

Well, eh, bye!

Countdowns
56 days 'til Scott's in town
4 days 'til Belle & Sebastian in Lawrence, KS
3 days 'til Shakespeare test
14 hours 'til Halloween party

I'm young, I know
But even so
I know a thing or two
I've learned from you
I've really learned a lot
I've really learned a lot
Love is like a stove
Burns you when it's hot

Love hurts

Some fools think of happiness
Blissfulness
Togetherness
Some fools fool themselves, I guess
But they're not fooling me
I know it isn't true
I know it isn't true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue

Love hurts -Gram Parsons

Grievous Angel

I have a new dead pop star crush.



Gram Parsons.

Here's a fascinating story for all you who like fascinating stories.*
Gram Parsons (The Byrds, The Flying Burrito Brothers) and one of his buddies had an agreement that whoever lived to see the other die would somehow get the body and burn it at Joshua Tree National Monument. Well Gram died first and his friend actually followed through on the pact. He talked the funeral home into giving him the body (and how is great question) and burnt it in the park, drinking a beer, while watching his friend's body "sizzle."

I bought two Gram Parsons albums yesterday after reading this story.

Someone (I wish I could remember who) said in response to the death of Elvis, "Great career move." I have to say to you, Gram Parsons, the same thing. You just gained a fan.

Great career move.
*Story taken from "In the Country of Country" by Nicholas Dawidoff.



[EDIT]~The answer to "how", above, Parsons' friend stole his dead body:

"Kaufman called the funeral parlor in the town of Joshua Tree and managed to learn that the body would be driven to LAX and then flown on Continental to New Orleans. He called the airline's mortuary service and found out that the body would arrive that evening. Kaufman recruited Michael Martin, who knew about the pact, and commandeered a hearse of Dale McElroy's, which she and Martin used for camping trips. It had no license plates and several broken windows, but it would do. They tried on suits, but decided they looked so ridiculous that they changed into their tour clothes -- Levi's, cowboy boots, cowboy hats, and jackets with the legend "Sin City" stitched on the back. They loaded the hearse up with beer and Jack Daniels and headed for LAX.
Kaufman and Martin arrived at the loading dock just as a flatbed truck rolled up with the Parsons casket. A drunken Kaufman somehow persuaded an airline employee that the Parsons family had changed its plans and wanted to ship the body privately on a chartered flight.
While Kaufman was in the hangar office, signing the paperwork with a phony name, a policeman pulled up, blocking the hangar door. Kaufman was sure his operation would be shut down, but the officer didn't do anything -- he just sat there. So Kaufman walked out to him, waved his copies of the paperwork, and said, "Hey, can you move that car?" The officer apologized, moved the car, and then, remarkably, helped Kaufman load the casket onto a gurney and into the back of the unlicensed, liquor-filled hearse." MORE...

And though this world with devils filled
Should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear for God has willed
His truth to triumph through us.
The prince of darkness grim
We tremble not for him.
His rage we can endure
For lo, his doom is sure;
One little word shall fell him. -A Might Fortress Is Our God


I'm loving hymns in my life right now.

TMI Packet Verse of the Day

Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage. Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the Lord thy God is with thee, whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

"withersoever thou goest." Whether thou goest into unknown territory, or to a big test, or into sin, the Lord thy God is with thee. So I shall not be afraid nor dismayed. Not any more.

I discovered a friend of a friend's blog today and what he has to say about prayer really spoke to me today. Praying isn't hard. I think it's hard because I think I'm having to convince someone of something. How ridiculous am I? So today's post is to just direct you to Benj's post.

*New Updates
My roommates, Ingrid and Amanda, have blogs now. You can view them by clicking on their links to the left on my sidebar. It's Xanga, and Xanga sucks, but they can't help it if they just aren't that cool. Check them out and leave them "props" whatever the hell those are.

Basically I'm only making this post because I am sick of seeing that cuddly picture. I posted way too many of those quizzes in a row. I'm so sorry.

So here's a story for you.
Not to be read by June Ross.

Horseradish Blues
When I was in Scotland/Wales this summer, I went to the Ross's house after church one Sunday for lunch. June made some yellow dish and piled our plates high with this concoction. One bite of it made me want to puke. It wasn't the dish itself, but the seasoning, whatever that seasoning was. I had never tasted anything like it, but it was killing me. I wanted to be polite so I tried my hardest to keep eating it, but with every bite I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to purge. I held my breath with each bite and swallowed as quickly as possible. Finally Stevie said, "You don't have to eat it if you don't like it." I was embarrassed but relieved that I'd been let out of the misery.

From that point on, anytime I smelled that smell, I got sick to my stomach. (I'm sick just thinking of it now.) I came home and hoped I'd never experience that taste or smell again.

Today we had an "Advancement Team Development" meeting, with lunch provided. I chose the Tuscan Chicken sandwich, and Jackie chose the Asiago Roast Beef. I unwrapped my sandwich and was disapointed. It did not look good to me at all. However, it looked good to Jackie, and she offered to switch. I gratefully agreed for the roast beef and took a bite. There it was!! That taste! Right there in my roast beef sandwich!! I felt that stomach tightening as I fought desperately to get it swallowed and out of my mouth. I was so disapointed. I began meticulously exploring which part of the sandwich contained that taste-- it was not in the cheese, the bread or the roast beef. Hmm. I took another bite, maybe I'd completely imagined it. Nope, there it was again. It was in the mayonaise. The mayonaise? I was confused. Then I spotted the oh too familiar black specks. It wasn't in the mayonaise, it was in the pepper. I was crushed. Immediately I decided that all pepper in the United Kingdom must taste like this, and I'd never get to eat pepper again if I move there. Not to mention the fear is struck in me that this pepper had somehow made its way into the United States. I took apart my sandwich and ate it without the bottom piece of bread or the bottom layer of roast beef.

Heading back up to my office I made a comment about it in the elevator. Stephanie asked me which sandwich I had. I told her the roast beef. She then nodded and knowingly explained that it was horseradish. Horseradish!!! What kind of person puts horseradish in their food?! It suddenly all made sense, the yellow dish in Scotland, the sandwich, the smell in other random places-- horseradish.

I discovered today that I do not like horseradish, and that Scottish pepper is most likely just like our pepper.

cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

How cute.
How true.

Unfortunately, this week was a very unhappy week for me. Lori has not been very cheerful or optimistic but perhaps there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or a silver lining around this cloud or an A paper at the end of this term...

Haircut(e) Blues

So here's the deal.

I've been growing out my hair now for over two years. I know, I know, some of you are thinking how not long that is. But it's been long for me. I've suffered through two years of my hair being in that awkward stage between the cute inch long pixie style to the finally it reached my shoulders style. My plan was to grow it out much longer, halfway down my back and have beautiful, luxurious cascading hair.

But as Jessica Newcomb put it, I feel like I'm living a lie.

I'm a short hair kinda girl. I like my hair short. I feel cute. I feel fun. I like to cut my hair anytime I need a change in my life. I've realized this about myself.

So what do I do? Do I persevere until my hair is long in hopes that I will be fulfilled? or do I cut it and finally feel cute again after all these years?

I know, its a ridiculous post. Sorry.



You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

NOTE: I, Lori, don't think this is true, and please, no sarcastic comments.

Listening to the New Belle & Sebastian

Actually that's not the topic of today's blog, but I wanted to throw that in.

The truth is, there is not topic for today's blog. I'm just afraid if I don't blog for an extended period of time, my readers will stop returning.

Also, due to the overwelming affirmative responses to my poll question, I will begin the Monthly Poll. I will try to make interesting questions. Please vote, because I'm serious about this one. I guess I can vote, too, now. But maybe I won't.

Anyway, I'm at work and I'm pretty busy today. I just got a flu shot and my arm aches. It doesn't feel like typing. But unfortunately I can't type with one hand and get anything done.

And... 73 days until Scott is here.

And... I can't wait 'til Thanksgiving.

And... that's all for today.

Congratulations! You're a Bunny Hug!!


What Drink Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


I don't even know what that is. I'll have to order it sometime.

Looking to the Past

Three years ago when I chose to put Jesus first in my life and die to myself, I started a spiritual journal. The first entry is written 25 days after that decision. This is what it read:

10-5-00. This isn't about my Bible study or quiet time. But today I felt God use me like I've never felt before. That man *"Moses" was preaching and I just felt God lead me to say and do certain things. I don't want to act righteous- this was purely God. First the crowd was getting mean and they surrounded him. He was worried. I asked the people to be loving and back away. I talked to him about being loving to us as well. Later I felt like God was telling me to speak up so I raised my hand like he wants and he took 3 more questions. I really wanted to speak but he was done with questions. Just then God intervened. A teacher asked if "Moses" would speak in class and while they worked out the details, I shared the truth of Jesus' death and God's love. I was trembling. I could feel God speak through me.

I long for that kind of faith again. I'm still a very young Christian, but I've lost some of that. I've lost that sensitivity and trust. I want God to use me like that again. About two years later, I wrote another entry.

10-27-02. On Friday, the 25th, I stayed home from school and work and spent the morning w/ the Lord my God. I woke at around 9:30 and read the Bible (James and 1st Peter) and I prayed and thought and read most of **"Messy Spirituality." I stayed in bed doing this until about 1:30 or so. It was such a moving and inspiring and refreshing experience. I want to spend more time w/ God. I stayed home because I truly longed and hungered for Jesus... I never want to let this go. I know this "high" will drop back down to normalcy soon because it just does but my devotion doesn't have to. And I don't want it to. Ever.

I want that desire again, too. I want to hunger for the Lord like I have before. I don't want or like being cold. I miss Jesus. I miss him being my best friend. I miss him being my husband. It feels so nice that he still is those things, even when I spurn him time and time again. I don't want to neglect my Savior anymore. Lord, revive these things in me again. Take me to new places with you. Sweep me off my feet. Romance me. Cause me to grow like a dainty flower in a garden and a strong tree in a forest. I will do whatever it takes. It's just a lot of effort these days.



*Moses was a man who came on campus several times a week to "preach." He spoke things that were not true, manipulated the Bible, and infuriated people. Apparently he makes a living going from campus to campus, pissing people off, getting hit, then suing.
**By Michael Yaconelli.

Desk-gruntled

I came into work today, and when I sat at my desk, everything was wrong.

Someone had moved everything.

Nothing was greatly misplaced as to upset me, but someone had obviously been in here, trying to mess with me. My file organizer had been moved. My phone was sitting at a different angle. The work from yesterday that I set on my desk to continue today had been turned around. My post-it notes in front of me had been flipped upside down. My desk calendar was shifted. My personal notes to myself had been arranged differently.

I guess it was a funny joke. Someone had to have known how anal I am to choose me to mess with. I'm not mad. I'm just baffled.

Oh well, whoever you are, nice work.

CDs I want:
xo- Elliott Smith
If You're Feeling Sinister- Belle & Sebastian

ehm, I guess that's all. It feels like so many more. And looking at that grosses me out. I've become such a little indie kid. Bleh. Indie rock is like quicksand. You start on the edge and you slowly sink deeper and deeper... and before you know it... you're buying Belle & Sebastian records...


I'm eating cold pizza right now. I ordered it last night and it was hot and burnt the crap out of me. I was just too hungry to wait til I got home. I picked it up, got in the car and ate a slice. And subsequently burnt off the first layer of membrane on the roof of my mouth. Owowow.


I took my Shakespeare test. I did ok. I guess I'll find out how okay tomorrow in class.


My thesis proposal is due Friday. I don't have my committee yet.


How many more boring things can I say?


Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump.

Google Search
I'm working on getting this google search thing to work on my blog. It kinda works, but not really. When you put in a word and click for search superlori, it just brings up one webpage- superlori. Taylor's pulls up all the different instances that word is found. I wonder if I deleted something while customizing it in blogspot. Help anyone? (Taylor?)

Dr. Candido said that the student who worries about a test is a good student. He made me feel good by saying that.

Did you know that Hillary Clinton's birthday is next month? The things I learn in this job... Everyone send her a happy birthday email.

I've updated my links to the side, thank you, I think they look much cleaner now. And I'm considering starting a Monthly Poll, seeing as my readers get to learn an awful lot about me, but I know very little about many of you! So even if you wouldn't vote on a monthly poll, at least vote on this one so I will know whether it will be a waste of time or not. I'll try to have interesting polls and not stupid ones.

Things I Desire:
1. To be an astronaut.
2. To be a mad scientist and make purple chemical concoctions that bubble over in a test tube.
3. A hot air balloon ride over the Africa, watching the lions chase the gazelles.
4. A husband.
5. Sex with a husband.
6. Not being allergic to kitty cats.
7. To see the Rudds just once more.
8. To meet Judah.
9. To move to Wales to work with Teen Challenge.
10. A girls centre to be started in Scotland that God would allow me to be involved with.
11. To see my boyfriend's band play now that he and his brother are in it.
12. For Amanda to move with me wherever I go.
13. For Amanda to want to move with me wherever I go.
14. Dr. Candido.
15. For Kate to feel better.
16. Scott's arrival date.
17. Lunch at Thai Diner.
18. God.

Great. I feel like a big horrible selfish jerk-person for not thinking of God until Desire #18. God, please forgive me for putting mad scientistry and 16 other things ahead of you today. Whether I thought of it or not, you are always my first and most significant desire.

It's the worst feeling to be at work and have no work to do. I feel like such a waster. I feel like everyone who walks by is thinking "That girl never does any work." It's terrible. Sometimes I can be so stressed and have so much to do and then there are others where I sit here for eight hours trying to find something to read on the net or someone to talk to on MSN or new Friendsters in invite. Sigh.

I just ordered some Loafin' Joes. Mmm I can't wait. I got the French Kiss with Ranch chips and a Dr. Pepper. (Had to get the drink to get the deal.) The deal is, I got one free 6" sub with the purchase of all that. So I also got the Country Club with no tomato. Yay! The delivery time is 45 minutes to an hour though. I'm starving, peeps, can't you hurry it up in there?

I was going to go to the Honors Library today to look at some old Thesis Proposals and some Creative Writing Theses. But if my lunch is going to arrive that late, I'll just go to the library tomorrow. I am such a procrastinator. So the plan is, tomorrow after class, I'll go give blood in the Union Ballroom, eat my free pizza, take my free shirt, and then go to library. I need to, whether I want to or not. In fact, I so should do it today. I've gotta get that thing written and signed. I haven't even asked anyone to be on my committee yet. PROCRASTINATOR!

BUT I have a director.

I also have a Shakespeare test Monday. Noooo! I am in love with Dr. Candido, I want to make a good grade and make him love me! But there's no way. I could just sit on the floor and cry. I hate tests. I hate school. I just want to go ahead and move!

The end.

If Patience Started a Band I'd Be Her Biggest Fan

I just really like that line.

Today has been a lovely day. Mmm, let's actually take it so far as to say this has been a good weekend. I came home from work yesterday, and everything was already set up to be a brilliant weekend. Ingrid and David were leaving for Oklahoma and Amanda was off to baby-sit all night. I had the whole house and night to myself. I ate Subway for dinner, spent many many many hours talking to Scott which was simply lovely, and then spent many more hours reading late into the night. I finished a book called Singing In Zion, about an Arkansas family of folksingers. I started reading Passion and Purity for the second time. It has been really good. I think it speaks more to me now than it did when I last read it. I think I relate more to Elisabeth Elliot this time. And its given me tons to pray about, which I know both me and Jesus really like. Today I got up and read for a few hours then made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. I washed all the dishes and mopped the kitchen to the sounds of The Promise Ring. After that I cleaned the kitchen, read some more, chatted with some Jehovah's Witnesses at the door, watched "Old School", and cleaned my room.

Ahh, what a nice day. And its only 2 in the afternoon. So much more time in the day. Yay.

Books I'm gonna buy from Dover Publications:
Young Goodman Brown and Other Short Stories- Nathaniel Hawthorne
The War of the Worlds- H.G. Wells
Dubliners- James Joyce
Beowulf
Poems and Songs- Robert Burns


That's all I have to say for now.

That and I've posted this weeks Friday Five answers. I think the Friday Five is stupid, but it gives me something to do, right?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have found-- "The One."

Yes indeed, you heard me right, I've found The One. And remarkably, today, he said yes.

Oh yes, for weeks I have been tiptoeing past his office, peeking in, walking away, questioning, wondering, praying... and today, I finally asked. Those four little words that would change my life forever. I met him in his office, sat down in front of him and asked, "Skip Hays, will you direct me?" With a gentle smile and a loving heart, he told me, "That will be fine."

I now have an Honors Thesis Director. I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be more relieved. I am on top of the world. Skip Hays, you're my hero.

I'm waiting for a letter from Scott. It should be here today. If it isn't, I will be sad.

I had my first fight with my new boyfriend last night.

No one on earth is more annoying to fight with; no one can piss me off as bad as he can; and no one so quickly forgives me the way he did.

I think he's all right.

The Vending Machine

Who is the guy who regulates vending machines? I'd like to either meet him or take his job. Because he's not doing it.

There's this really cool coffee vendor in Kimpel Hall. You put in your coins, choose a coffee and size and out pops a little cup and the machine fills it to the desired/paid amount. This morning before my folk music class, I really wanted something warm and sweet. I put my 55 cents in the machine and punched in 1-G-3 to get a large hot chocolate. (The hot chocolate is good, but the coffees are shite.) As I was putting my change back into my bag, I failed to notice that no cup had popped out. I heard the right sound,and I heard the hot chocolate pouring. When I went to grab my cup, there was hot chocolate all right, but it wasn't in a cup. It was everywhere else. How disappointing!

I started to go to class but I thought, "Well, I'm really thirsty! I'll just get a soda." So I put a dollar in the soda machine and punched the coke button. The coke rattled its way down the shoot and came out the hole. And then another coke rattled down the shoot and came out the hole. I got two bottles.

I mean, I guess the karma worked out fine, one machine steals my money while the other loses some. But shouldn't it be a little more regulated? I mean, coming from the business side of it, those machines are not doing their job.


******
by the way,
click here

Fall Semesters of Classification Beginning with S Suck

I feel obligated to blog, to keep all my loyal readers (all three of you) happy.

I feel like merde, pardon my French, literally.

I had a semester like this one time before, while in college. Maybe twice, but one stands in my mind specifically. It was my first semester sophomore year. I was living in Yocum with my friend Jonathan (don't ask how, we broke rules) and I was taking 18 hours. It was the semester of Arabic, Staring Boy, and the return from Scotland, where I'd been on a spiritual high for nine weeks (or perhaps "high" isn't the word- more of a journey). Those are the parameters. I remember sometime before midterms I got so depressed that I stopped going to class and just laid in bed crying all day long. I was getting sick, my country had been attacked, I wanted to date a guy who didn't love Jesus, and I was doing poorly in my classes. It was the semester I psycho'd out on Phlebatomy Boy, had an affair with Brahm, and nearly gave up my faith in God. I made my first college C, had roommate problems with Jonathan, and had friend problems with Ben and Erika and Josh.

This semester, my senior year, is showing signs of the same- constant tiredness, too much pressure, too many classes, too much reading, too much work, friend problems, boy problems (sorry Scotty, not like you're a problem), God problems, and ... and thats it I guess. No Arabic, affairs, or plasma this time, and I'm still going to class (most of the time) but the symptoms are here. I hereby diagnose this semester as sucking.

Ha. How interesting is it that it's only the third week of school?

PS. I locked my keys in my car yesterday. Thank God that this time the spare wasn't with an ex.

I'm sorry I've kept you all waiting so long. My tattoo pictures are up.

I'll have what He's having.

So life with God is like going on a date.

I tell the waiter "I'll have what he's having." I know that I always like what he gets. I trust him. But on the other hand, I'd kinda like to know what we're eating. Every time the waiter comes out with a plate of food, I wonder if its mine. If it looks good, I hope its mine. Then the waiter delivers it to another table and I think, "Well, hopefully what I ordered is better, but I sure would've enjoyed that." I begin to wonder about what we've ordered. Am I gonna like it? Maybe I won't. Maybe he ordered shrimp, and I'm really not a very big fan of shrimp. I mean, of course, I doubt he'd order shrimp... but maybe he likes shrimp and I didn't know. Then I remember how well he knows me and how much I trust him and I think, "I'm sure I'll like what I get." But then the waiter brings out lasagna to another table, and I think, "Good grief, could I please just eat something now? Why couldn't I have just had the lasagna? I love lasagna. I am so sick of waiting on my meal! And I don't even know if I'm gonna like it!"

But in the past, he's always ordered me things so much fancier than a boring old lasagna. He's always ordered food I like. Food I like more than I think I will. Like lobster. But for some reason I keep worrying that the waiter's gonna bring out escargots and there Jesus will be with a big smile on his face, and I'll have to eat it because I already agreed to have what he ordered. I didn't have to agree to have what he had, but I did.

And the whole time I'm waiting, I wish he'd tell me what we ordered. But he doesn't. He wants to keep it a surprise. He knows I'll love it, it won't give me food poisoning, and it won't be bad for me. He knows I'll be so surprised and happy when the waiter comes to our table with a bottle of the best wine and the fanciest cuisine in the restaraunt. But I don't know.

five times i've signed a line
that asks for my knife and my keys and my blood
and five times i later i still go back.
perhaps when i'm old i'll learn my lesson
for now i'm signing away my signature.

In exactly one month I have to turn in my Honors Thesis proposal. I have to find a director and a committee and decide what I'm going to write about. And then I have to write the proposal. What does a Creative Writing proposal even look like?

I was thinking just now about my plan for my thesis. I was thinking about a theme that runs through my poetry (my recent poetry.) And I realized what my main (though not wholly exclusive) theme is-- Prostitution.

I think thats what my poetry is all about. I think I have my thesis.

(DON'T STEAL MY IDEA ANY OF YOU WRITERS OUT THERE OR I'LL BE PISSED!)

Josh Dennis

I wonder how different my life would be if I had married Josh Dennis...

When I was in forth grade I met this boy named Josh. My parents were looking for a new church and when we visited the one that we would eventually end up attending, I went to Sunday school all by myself. There were lots of little boys and girls who went to Abundant Life, which is the school to where I was transferring. It was the end of the summer and our teacher had us go around and say our names and what school we went to. When it was my turn, I said I went to Abundant Life. Josh immediately spoke up, "You do not!" My face got all red and I got all flustered and was so embarrassed I thought I might cry as I tried to explain that that was where I'd be going when summer was over. I felt like everyone thought I was lying.

A few Sundays later I sat next to a boy named Gray. He was nice to me and talked to me and we drew pictures on the bulletin. Josh started making fun of me and accused me of liking him. I did not like Gray and I was really embarrassed because now everyone would think I did.

School started and Josh was in my class. I don't know when I fell in love with him but it happened sometime that year. I loved Josh. He had glasses and was skinny and he sort of became my friend. Sometimes he would pick me to be on his team. Sometimes he would talk to me. In sixth grade he would sit his desk close to mine and we'd play cards under the table. (We never got caught.) We both always passed the spelling pre-tests so we always got to go out into the hall while the class took the spelling test. In sixth grade, he called my best friend Cristen and asked her to ask me if I'd go out with him. I said yes. But I found out the next day that he only asked me because his friends made him. So I cried a lot and broke up with him.

Over the next few years I loved him off and on but all the way until 10th grade I had it in the back of my mind that I was going to marry Josh Dennis. I'd get a boyfriend and forget about him, then we'd break up and I'd remember him. I realized somewhere along the line that he wasn't interested in me, but I still wondered, and hoped. We called him the Grumpster for awhile, because he went through a grumpy stage. He always slouched in church and grumbled.

We went to the same college and my mom and brothers teased me about that. They joked that I'd probably become best friends with him at college and we'd get married. By then I knew that was silly and I didn't want to marry the Grumpster anyway. Since we've been in college we have become friends of sorts and we talk whenever we see each other.

For about 8 years of my life I was in love with this boy. That's almost half my lifetime. I wonder then, how different life would be if I had been right when I was a kid and I did marry Josh Dennis.

From the Josh Dennis Era, I experienced several more boy eras when I was in love with different boys. Two or three that were seriously serious. So how then, does anyone ever know when they've found real love? Sure, an easy response would be that I was young and you grow up and know more about love. But in ten years I'll be more grown up than I am now and I'll know more about love. And ten years after that the same. So what am I supposed to do? Wait until I'm fifty before settling down? Maybe love isn't so hard to find, maybe there's not one person you're supposed to love. Maybe there's just one person you choose and therefore you stick it out and make it work, since you chose that person. Maybe I could marry someone now and I'd be with them the rest of my life. But theoretically, I could not marry that person, marry someone else years later and be with them the rest of my life.

What if I'd married Josh Dennis? We're both Christians. Not likely that we'd get divorced. I bet we'd have serious problems because we have nothing in common really. But won't that happen anyway, with whoever I marry? Supposing there is a "One", and supposing I did marry the "One", can't I safely assume there will be serious problems in that relationship, too, to have to get through?

And how exactly does one know this one is the "One"? If anyone gives me that crap about "just knowing" I will delete your comment. That's a bunch of bull. I can give you five names just off the top of my head of people who can dispute that ardently. You can say that God reveals it to you. How do you know its God? Or, what if you are in a place in your life where you are unable to hear God clearly? I could argue a good case that God makes the right thing happen if you are focused on him and your heart is truly set on obeying him. (But you non-Calvinists are gonna have a hard time accepting that one.) I'd like an opinion. Preferrably from married folks.

And Josh Dennis, if you are out there, somewhere, googling yourself, and you come here... You always knew anyway so I'm not embarrassed. But don't worry. It's over.

Inspirational Desk Calendar Quote of the Day

"I go out to preach with two propositions in mind. First, everyone ought to give his live to Christ. Second, whether or not anyone gives Him his life, I will give Him mine." -Jonathan Edwards

Lori's Late Night Encounters With Death

Last night I dreamed it was the middle of the summer and all the students were out of the dorms and it was my job to clean out the rooms. All the rooms were filled with stuff that the kids didn't take home, tvs, sleeping bags, etc. And cars. I was working with Andrew Rudd and Todd Gill on this endeavor. We were on the 15th floor or something, pretty high up, and there was this roof that we could go on and there we piled all the junk. And parked all the cars. Our job was to shove all the stuff over the side of the building, including the cars, to be picked up and cleaned away. Andrew said he had learned how to shove the cars off the roof. One person had to push, and another had to sit in the drivers side of another car and back out in neutral. With the car the person was driving, you had to bump into the other car three times and it would fall over. Andrew insisted I get in the car "for the thrill." I freaked out. I was in the backseat of the bumping car and Todd was driving and Andrew was pushing. I could feel the back wheels of our car go over the side and I closed my eyes and prayed and prayed and prayed that we wouldn't fall over, too. We didn't. The car behind me flew over the edge, and the boys pulled our car back up. I said I didn't want to try that anymore and I got out, praying that they would be safe doing such a dangerous thing. Well, somewhere along the lines, Andrew turned into Felicity Porter and Todd turned into Noel Crane. In the dream, I hated Felicity for some reason but when I saw her pushing the car and Noel driving, I got very nervous and prayed for them. But I had a bad feeling so I watched, praying. I saw the car tip over the side with the backwheels like it was supposed to... then it tipped back too far. Felicity grabbed for Noel and caught him but she couldn't lift him up. He grabbed for the side of the roof and she pulled on him to pull him back up. He was almost all the way back up when she lost her grip and he fell, plummeting off the side of a 15 story building. Felicity went hysterical and I ran over to her to try and help her. She was crying about how she killed Noel and all this stuff and I was holding her head to me tightly as I screamed, running to find a phone to call an ambulance.

I remember saying to Felicity "This has to be a dream. This has to be a dream. Cars can't get parked on top of buildings. Where am I really? Where was I a few minutes ago?" I was trying desperately to realize I was sleeping. But I couldn't come up with any evidence for myself so I realized it wasn't a dream and she really had killed Noel.

But then, I said "But wait, Noel comes back in the third and forth seasons. He marries Natalie, remember?" Then Felicity got this really serious look and said, "Oh, so you know about the other seasons? Yeah, well see next season we find out that Noel didn't die. A homeless man sewed up his skin and he was ok." I said, "You mean the fall didn't smash his brains out?" and she said "No, it was a miracle." So I said "So that's why you're not freaking out as much as you should be." She was like "Yeah."

Calling All Pray-ers(as opposed to prayers themselves)

Ok, if you read this and you pray, please consider saying a prayer for me. This schedule this semester is HELL. Its only the first week (not even the end of the first week) and I'm already overloaded. I have to take a finite math test (on my own time, which I have none of) sometime before next Tuesday, but before I can take that, I have to finish the homework, but the program won't work on my computer so I have to find more outside of class time to go to the computer lab to work on the homework. But before I can complete the homework, I have to go through every single problem and get them right, or else the program makes me start over (AFTER I've completed it and it tells me what I did wrong) and do all the problems again. But before I can start the problems, I have to first complete the questions, same rule, gotta get em all right before proceeding.

I also have to finish Richard II by tomorrow and read for History of English Literature. I have to get finished with my Folk/Pop book, Singing in Zion.

And then I have an art project due Wednesday. I have no time to work on it. How am I supposed to be creative, when I'm so freaking busy?

I need help. I need prayer. I need Jesus to get through this semester. Let's not even mention (as I go on to mention) the stress of being away from Scott and wishing every day I could just see his face or give him a hug. Talking on the phone every few days doesn't cut it. The truth is, this semester is just horrible. I can't even look forward to it being over because as Bullingsbrook said in Richard II "the apprehension of the good Gives but the greater feeling to the worse."

I am blogging on my new computer in my new apartment with my new DSL.

Mon weekend was tres gentil. But mes courses SUCK! This weekend kicked off with a drink with my gay ex-boyfriend at Common Grounds, quickly followed up by the Aqueduct show at JRs. That was a good time but I won't write about it- I'll just forward you to Chris's blog where he talks about the show. I came home from the show shattered (tired, not drunk) but called Scott in Scotland anyway. It may have been 3am my time but it was 9 his. We talked for two hours then I slept for two hours and got back up to meet Kathy and Ashlea at Panera for some breakfast and Jesus talk. Then I went to Target and bought my new bedclothes- a bright blue comforter, yellow sheets, and a soft baby blue body pillow. Mmm happy sleepytime place. I guess I don't remember anything else about Saturday... Sunday was good, I had a great time at church. It was totally alive. Sunday night I went to JRs with Jessica and we played all 80s songs on the jukebox.

BUT THEN, Monday I got up, went to class at 8:30 and thus began the hardest semester of my life. Folk and Popular Music Traditions is gonna rock (no pun intended), Communications will be easy, Shakespeare will be interesting but a lot of work, History of Literature in English is gonna be totally boring and frustrating, Finite Math is gonna kick my butt, Finite Math Drill is gonna bring me to tears, and finally I'll wrap up the looong day with Art Studio where I'll get to unwind to some headphone music and just draw.

Then the next day I'll go to work for 8 hours then the next day I'll go back to school then the next day I'll work 8 hours, then the next day I'll go back to school AND work......

Jesus, please get me through!!! Make Christmas come faster than it ever has before!!!